The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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