Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
