Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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