so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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