I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory