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In the future we'll all be gay
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
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