Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome