covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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