walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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