Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
