So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Someone stole a lamp last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
