took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
