YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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