I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
