I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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