ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
