Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
