Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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