just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
