? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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