If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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