My cat gives me a boner
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
