Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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