Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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