why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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