We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
