nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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