Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
