dude i'm inner monologue high
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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