He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
