just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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