The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
