I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
vagina is talking i cant
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
