Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Acid is not a monday night drug
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
