Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
