I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
