He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
