cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
