all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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