There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
