He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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