This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
