I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
