Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
