Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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