wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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