I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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