thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
