We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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