Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
