somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Michael Bay diarrhea
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Randomize
