eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I party with great urgency now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
