all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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