I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
