you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As shirtless as possible
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
