a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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