HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
