So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
