dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
