Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
