I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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