I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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