just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
