i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
